“Whoopsies, I got divorced” is my ringtone, my Visa security question, and my potential neck tattoo (one day I might join a gang, you never know), so it goes without saying that I was pretty happy to see Saturday Night Live spoof Kim Kardashian and Kanye West last night. Was Waking Up with Kimye written by Stefon? Because it has everything: dat voice, Bobby Moynihan as The Fat Sock One (aka Rob), Lady Gaga doing her best Louis Tully, Kanye West reappropriating dumb shit like macaroni necklaces. The only thing missing was Kim holding baby NorthernExposure (so…just like in real life? BURN).
My favourite line is probably: “Kim is wearing a Givenchy piece that she initially didn’t want to wear, so I had to put her in it while she was asleep” (never before has one sentence so accurately summed up an entire relationship, amirite?) It’s a decent sketch, but it’s far from perfect (perfection is Kristen Wiig as Kris Jenner, THE END). What I’m saying is, I have notes:
1. Nasim Pedrad’s Kim is decent, but there’ still too much life to the face. I guess if I were an acting coach, I’d tell her to pretend all the muscles in her face were frozen; almost as if it was pumped hard full of fillers and botox. It should be a struggle to even blink.
2. Whomever is doing makeup, you went waaay too light on the contouring. Kim’s face should look like it’s been carved out of a brick of cheddar cheese.
3. Kim would never get that excited about the macaroni necklace; homegirl’s reaction time is similar to that of someone who accidentally took 6 tabs of Ambien.
4. Kris Jenner would NEVER be off-camera for as long as she was; she should have been perched on the back of the couch behind Kim.
5. Finally, Kanye would never get a computer fixed. Kanye and Kim order MacBooks by the case and open a new one every morning. At night, they throw them into the fireplace and cozy up under a $90,000 blanket to watch them burn. Then they burn the blanket. Then they burn the house down and build a new house. Then they call E! to come film it all.