Jesus take the wheel and drive all these crazed Beliebers to their abuelita’s house so she can threaten them with the chancla for losing their minds over a non-potty trained, hooker-fucking, shit-tagging, flag-kicking yodeling fetus. And I say this as a melodramatic bitch who had the same kind of tonsil-bruising meltdown last week when I tried to play “Shy Girl” by Stacey Q on my iTunes and I got a life-ruining message that read: “The song could not be used because the original file could not be found.” But crying out your weight in tears over Stacey Q is completely reasonable.
Lives were ruined and tween tears flooded the streets of Buenos Aires last week when Justin Bieber quit his show halfway through, because bitch had the mouth barfs (and probably the butt barfs) due to “food poisoning.” Yeah, “food poisoning” is just a publicist’s code for “he ate some bad snatch.” The show was canceled and the Beliebers took the news exactly the way you’d expect them to: they screamed, they cried and they vowed to get revenge on humanity for making food that poisoned their Jesus. This is usually how the most insane serial killers get started. If you try to listen through all the wailing and bawling, you can practically hear the ghost of Eva Peron singing, “Don’t cry for him, Argentina. No, seriously, don’t. It’s fucking embarrassing.”
And my thoughts about this are best expressed through this picture of a mom going through something:
I don’t know if she’s wondering “What is my life?” or if she’s trying to hold in her tears of joy over not having to sit through another hour of Justin Bieber songs.
via The Daily Mail