“Suri, what should I tweet next? I’m thinking either ‘Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll lang among the stars’ or ‘No man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he won’t make you cry’? Or should I just Instagram how the barista at Starbucks misspelled my name? Oh boy, Twitter is so fun. Hashtag blessed, right Suri?”
Cut to Suri in the basement on a burner phone with Karl Lagerfeld shrieking: “You have to get me out of here! Ever since she left dad, Katie’s been slowly turning into a suburban stay-at-home mom. Sure, it’s Twitter right now, but next it could be applying for a Costco membership or buying my clothes from GAP Kids. I used to drink barley water from a solid-gold sippy cup, for fuck’s sakes!” She then breaks the phone in half like Walter White and flushes it down the toilet.
Katie Holmes decided to channel her inner Maya Angelou yesterday and post a picture of an inspirational quote to Twitter, a move The Daily Mail thinks could be meant as a message to Tom Cruise. It makes sense, since Tommy Girl is currently knee-deep in a $50 Million lawsuit against a publishing house that claims Tommy allegedly abandoned Suri after he and Katie split. Katie’s tweet isn’t addressed to anyone in particular (for all we know, it could have been meant for Pacey Witter) but circumstances suggest that it’s probably directed towards Tom.
Maybe I’m a World Class Dummy (don’t answer that) but I don’t understand if Katie’s tweet is trying to say ‘You go, girl!’ to Tommy in an Deepak Chopra way, or a “Have fun in court, BITCH” antagonistic LeAnn Rimes way. I know that Katie and Tom maintain that their divorce was amicable, but Katie left that marriage running full-tilt like the last remaining victim at the end of a horror movie, so I have no idea. Even the smoothest divorces bring out the most passive-aggressive tweets in people.
Or maybe we don’t need to read too much into this quote? The Usual Suspects answer is that Katie couldn’t decide between tweeting another selfie or her lunch, so she settled on the cover of her favourite Hallmark journal.