Jackie Stallone, Stop Reading That Ass And Come Get Your Son

November 15, 2013 / Posted by:

Sylvester Stallone, the son of a butt-reading blossoming flower, is probably going to get a love letter written on a stick of butter from Paula Deen any day now, because TMZ is accusing him of calling a pap a “nigger” while he left a restaurant in Beverly Hills with a friend yesterday. If only Jackie read Sly’s ass before this so she could tell him that this was coming and to not do it. And by “ass” I mean his face of course.

Because the paparazzi didn’t have bigger stars like Quween on the Scene (Side question: Where for art thou Quween on the Scene?!) and Phoebe Price to shoot yesterday, they settled for a man who looks like a deflated burnt skin bubble. TMZ has a video of the paps following Sly and I guess he didn’t like it, because they claim at the 0:07 mark in the video, he mumbles to his friend, “This fucking nigger, this fucker.” It’s not really clear who that word was meant for. TMZ says there were several black paparazzo shooting around there that day. A few seconds into the video, one of the paps asks him, “Why the racial slurs?” Sly ignores her.

Sly’s spokeswhore claims that he said “fucking asshole” and not “fucking nigger.” The spokeswhore also says that Sly didn’t answer the pap when she asked about him the racial slurs, because she wasn’t talking directly to him. The spokeswhore thinks that she only said that to get more money for the video.

I watched that video more times than I should have and I still don’t know what came out of Sly’s mangled mouth hole. I wouldn’t be surprised if he slurred out a slur, but then again I also wouldn’t be surprised if he said something completely different like, “Hey, yo, let’s go get some strawberry froyo with nuts at that place over there.” Because Sly’s mouth is a shredder of words. Everything that comes out of his mouth has been cut up with pinking shears, chopped up with a rusty machete and ran over by several Mack Trucks. Bitch’s face has been pulled so tight that he can’t spit out coherent words. He will forever sound like a warped Speak and Spell.

But I’m sure he’s still going to play the same damage control card that Alec Baldwin played yesterday. After Alec denied he called a pap a “cocksucking fag,” he showed everyone that he’s not a homophobe by bringing out his gay hairdresser. So expect Sly to grab the first black guy he sees and get them both in front of a camera to say, “Arrro grrr blewerru huh zizzay asshole murrerre wurbled.” (Translation: “Hey, yo, whateveryourname is, you’re black and my best friend, right?“)

Pics: Splash

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