BREAKING NEWS: Miranda Kerr May Or May Not Photoshop Pictures of Herself Before Posting Them To Instagram
“Which tool do I use to erase Alessandra Ambrosio’s fat ass out of this picture? Is it Blur or Clone Stamp?” – Miranda Kerr
The Daily Mail must have pulled Woodward and Bernstein out of retirement and had detectives on this case for months now, because they’ve finally broken a real ESCANDALO news story that’s about to shatter everything you know about the modelling world. According to a real eagle-eyed reporter at The Daily Mail, there’s evidence that former Victoria’s Secret model and full-time hongray-looking Kewpie Doll Miranda Kerr Photoshops pictures of herself to look slimmer before posting them to Instagram.
Suspicions were confirmed when Kerr posted an edited picture of herself, along with Doutzen Kroes and Alessandra Ambrosio, backstage at last year’s Victoria’s Secret fashion show. However, Kerr forgot that she had posted the original picture one year ago. Super snoops then placed both pictures side by side and it was evident that there was heavy manipulation done to the most recent picture, particularly around Miranda Kerr’s waist, making it appear much smaller than the original.
I know this must be difficult to comprehend; I myself am still having trouble coming to grips with the idea that a model (OF ALL PEOPLE) would be so vain as to make their waist even smaller for a picture-sharing iPhone app. So far, Miranda has yet to address the issue, but an outcry of Instagram commenters prove that the public DEMANDS ANSWERS.
I’ll have you know that Michael K isn’t the only one with a long, glamorous history of modelling. Back in the day, I had a very lucrative career as a hair model, and not for boring shit like magazines or shampoo commercials. I’m talking the big time; live styling demos at convention centre hair shows. And I was damn good, too. My main look was ‘Trying not to address the crippling reality of this nonsense’ but I was also pretty good at ‘Even I know this won’t lead to something better‘. I WAS THE MASTER. A particular highlight was modelling Kelly Clarkson streaks as a grimy stylist in butt-hugging $300 bedazzled jeans (this was 2004, after all) named Kennyth texturized choppy layers into my hair while a remix of Eric Prydz’s Call on Me was played at a deafeningly-loud level on repeat for 25 minutes. You’re probably thinking: “I hope the money was good.” I wouldn’t know; I was paid in styling products. I NEVER SAID I WAS SMART.
(Pic via Instagram)