Here we go again. Another day, another story about Robin Thicke’s wandering dick. You’d think his peen would get tired and request a day off or a vacation or something. Robin’s dick should bring that up at his next performance evaluation; at the very least, he deserves an epsom salt soak or an undisturbed nap on the couch.
Confirming that we already know that Robin is a lean, mean, man-whoring machine from way back, In Touch is reporting that 10 years ago, Robin Thicke put on his best Beetlejuice courtin’ suit to woo a post-Justin Timberlake-breakup Britney Jean Spears:
“The pair had a fling in 2003 – when Britney was at the top of her game and Robin was trying to get recognized. “He was trying hard to develop a reputation as a hot, young singer, and Brinet was the biggest thing in show business,” the source tells In Touch, sharing that the two met collaborating on a project (which was never released) and “started hooking up.”
And we all know how this storybook romance ends: In January 2004, Britney married Jason “Not the Seinfeld One” Alexander in Las Vegas (a decision that heralded in the Brit Brit Cray Cray Years) and Robin continued his long-term relationship with his high school sweetheart Paula Patton. Of course, Robin’s reps are denying the story because we all know Robin would never, ever cheat on Paula Patton bla bla bla.
Hold on a second. 2003 Britney Spears was top-of-her-game, kissing-Madonna-in-a-wedding-dress, In The Zone Britney. There was no better Britney. But 2004 Britney Spears was Las Vegas-marriage, Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, shitty-cover-of-My Perogative pregnant Britney. And now we know that between 2003 and 2004, Britney hooked up with Robin Thicke. Oh dear god…WHAT DID YOUR DICK DO TO BRITNEY SPEARS, ROBIN?!? I’ve heard of ‘Don’t stick your dick in crazy’, but this is more like ‘Don’t let a dick stick crazy in you’.
One good thing I can say about Robin Thicke is that, at the very least, he had some common sense; imagine if he’d picked 2003 Christina Aguilera instead? That’s a stank some men are still trying to scrub off to this day. Although, who am I kidding; Robin Thicke’s 2003 Fuck List probably includes Xtina, Michelle Branch, a Nokia 1100 cellphone, and all the backup dancers from André 3000’s music video for Hey Ya!