Marky Mark Will Remove You From His Christmas Card List If You’re An Actor Who Compares Himself To A Soldier

November 13, 2013 / Posted by:

What is it about Mark Wahlberg that makes him react to everything like an angry Red Sox fan who’s deep into his 6th beer? He could be dressed in an Armani tuxedo walking the red carpet at the Academy Awards, someone could walk by and accidentally bump him, and in 0.2 seconds he’d have his tie off and given his hotdog to his girlfriend to hold before yelling ‘Yah betta call yah motha and tell her to pick out a casket for yah funeral, buddy, cause yah dead! Yah so fackin dead.’

According to TMZ, Mahky Mahk took an indirect shot at Scientology’s Homecoming Queen, Tom Cruise (did I even need to write his name?) when he spoke candidly about how he feels when actors compare themselves to soldiers (I’ll give $1000 to whichever one of you is able to read this in a regular dialect and not a thick Southie accent):

Wahlberg was speaking at the AFI Festival in L.A., when he was asked about the story TMZ broke about Tom Cruise saying in a deposition that his job was like fighting in Afghanistan. Wahlberg unloaded, saying “For somebody to sit there and say ‘my job was as difficult as being in the military.’ How f**king dare you, while you sit in a makeup chair for 2 hours.”

Wahlberg didn’t stop there. He said, “I don’t give a shit if you get your ass busted. You get to go home at the end of the day. You get to go to your hotel room. You get to order your f**king chicken.”

Order your fucking chicken? I’m sure Marky Mark is using the word fuck as an adjective, but it’s more fun to pretend he’s referring to a chicken that one fucks. You hear that Tommy Boy? Go back to your hotel room and stick your dick in a chicken.

I get what Poppa Funky Bunch is saying. When you’re an adult man who’s job is basically to play pretend for millions of dollars, it’s pretty bold to compare what you do to a bunch of dudes who are sweating their balls off in a tent in the desert. But this is Tom Cruise we’re talking about! He’s practically a whole chapter in your therapists reference guide to self-absorbed delusion. You can’t take what he says seriously. Hmmm, sounds like someone else we know. I’m not going to name names, but wasn’t there was an actor who’s said he could have prevented 9/11 by getting all Sergeant First Class Troy Barlow on a terrorist? Exactly.

(Pic via Wenn)

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