Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 13, 2013 / Posted by:

Every now and again something will drop something into my inbox that’ll make me scream type in all-caps: THIS BITCH IS SO FUCKING HOT!!! Usually, it’s something from People of Walmart, or a picture of a chihuahua in Blonde Ambition drag, or a picture of Angelyne at Chipolte. But this time it’s a video of a beautiful and delicate flor de maga from Puerto Rico recreating Miley’s “Wrecking Ball” video and doing it a million times better.

La Vampy de Lajas is a bright star shining above Puerto Rico and she regularly graces the people with her light through her YouTube videos, and her recreation of “Wrecking Ball” is her opus. La Vampy’s “Wrecking Ball” video has everything Miley’s doesn’t: raw emotion, soothing vocals, captivating backdrops, awkward twitchy eye movements, elegant choreography and an exercise ball swing. La Vampy’s version is also filled with mystery, because while watching her teeter on the verge of breaking character several times, I asked myself, “Is the ridiculousness of it all going to manifest into a wrecking ball of LOLs that will break La Vampy?” But she held on like a true artist.

Let’s go over all of the ways La Vampy has one over Miley:

Beauty: CHECK!
Organic Sex Appeal: CHECK!
Genuine Charisma: CHECK!
Gold Medal Worthy Sledgehammer Pick Axe-Licking Skills: CHECK!
Gold Medal Worthy Wrecking Ball Exercise Ball Swing-Riding Skills: CHECK!

And La Vampy’s version is so much more pleasant to watch, because unlike Miley’s version, you know that Uncle Terry isn’t fapping behind the camera while one of his assistants tosses his salad. La Vampy is everything. Every time I see one of La Vampy’s videos, I’m going to ask myself, “Miley who?” Hell, I’m going to ask myself, “Miley, Katy, GaGa, Madge, RiRi, Brit Brit, Beyonce who?”

(For Marianne)

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