The First Rule Of Slut Dress Club Is Don’t Let The Slut Dress Wear You

November 12, 2013 / Posted by:

Not to be outdone by Jaime Alexander’s rebirth of the most glamorous dress of all time, Britain’s “Strictly Come Dancing” contestant and model Abbey Clancy  gave us the gift of the Slut Dress: The British Edition at London’s Fashion for the Brave event on Friday, November 8.

Even though the dress looks like Abbey dusted off her grandma’s best Union Jack table runner, broke into Johnny Weir’s costume storage locker and slaved away over her Fisher-Price My First Sewing Machine to make it, the dress was designed (on purpose) by Julien MacDonald. If you’re of the persuasion that if you’ve seen one slut dress you’ve seen them all, turn your attention to Julien, who might be the real star here. If designing stunt queen dresses doesn’t work out for him, he could always audition for an astoundingly low-rent Lifetime biopic about Siegfried and Roy.

If you’re going to wear something that shows almost as much as a scrambled soft core porno on Cinemax back in the day, don’t let it make you look like an amateur. Your side tits are already out, you may as well own it when your dress tries to quit a bitch and flash the rest of the goods. Abbey apparently didn’t see Iggy Azalea’s PSA about gluing your ho shit down to avoid flashing naglas or hatchet crack, because at one point, she had to cup her ass like a toddler who just dropped a load in her underwear after her parents took a gamble on taking her out in public for the first time without a Pull-Up.

(Photos: Wenn and Splash)

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