Creepy Uncles Rejoice! Jenna Jameson’s Old Porn Stuff Goes Up For Sale
I hope you’ve all got strong gag reflexes, because I’m about to bring on a Costco-sized case of the dry heaves. Actually, you know what? Go grab a towel and throw it over your keyboards just in case. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. Trust me, I’ve learned the hard way; watching clips of Farrah Abraham’s ‘slow dinosaur reaching orgasm’ face cost me an $800 laptop.
Okay, here we go. TMZ is reporting that a storage locker filled with Jenna Jameson’s old porn gear is being cleared out by Jenna’s ex-husband Jay Grdina. The boxes in storage contain items from Jenna’s films (dildos, gimp masks, g-strings, shoes, tacky pleather clothes) and will be put up for auction sometime in the near future. There’s been no word on whether or not Jenna Jameson will see a portion of the auction’s profits, but I’m sure she’d like to. Only 5 years ago she swore she’d never do porn again; then her house fell into foreclosure and the mother of two recently admitted that she’d be willing to get back into porn to make money.
If Jay Grdina really wanted to make serious money, he should have called up A&E’s Storage Wars. I, for one, would be excited to see them open up a storage locker filled with used sex toys; if I have to watch one more episode where they open a storage unit and find boring boxes of baby clothes and cheap-looking end tables, I will lose my goddamned mind. Jenna Jameson’s Storage Wars episode would start with a bidding war over what someone thinks is an 18th Century filigree vase hidden behind a pair of stripper heels. After buying the locker for $9,000, the winner (probably Brandi and Jarrod, because they always get the shittiest lockers) would then go in and face the sobering realization that the vase they thought they were looking at was in fact just a greasy pile of sunbleached dildos. They’d go through two bottles of Purell hand sanitizer as they empty the unit of vinyl dresses and crotchless panties, forming a disgusting sadness pile in the back of their truck. Eventually, they’d fall ill due to weird-looking rashes and light-headedness from the smell. It’s high time we hear the words “Oh god…this vibrator smells like cheeseburgers” on television.
(Pic via Splash)