Justin Bieber’s Boring Junk Food Orgy Has A Lot of Rules

November 6, 2013 / Posted by:

After being voted Pop Star Preschool’s ‘Baddest Bitch’ (it was a private election with one ballot turned in), Justin Bieber has been caught displaying the same behaviors as most toddlers. Pushing back against the rigors of toilet training by peeing somewhere other than in his BabyBjorn potty chair. Being carried by a grown up when he’s tired of walking. Enjoying the comforts of being wrapped in his woobie and taken to the car after a fun-filled “playdate”.

The Daily Mirror (via Radar) says a group of girls went with him to the mansion he rented in Brazil, and that Justin’s answer to previous leaking of his poor choices during free time was to have his handlers confiscate phones. His new circle time friends also had to pick their favorite Mr. Sketch scented marker to sign non-disclosures.

“We all had to sign contracts saying we wouldn’t take any photographs and if we did we agreed not to publish them,” Marina Binimeliz told the U.K.’s Mirror. “I was only given my phone back when I left. I tried to take a picture of the contract, but they whipped the phone out of my hand before I could do so.”

Binimeliz said that she and nine other women accompanied the “Baby” singer to the property, where his people had set up a banquet of items such as “peanuts, Doritos, crisps, chicken nuggets” and “lots of chocolate,” some of which was consumed by the singer himself.

“I saw Justin stuffing himself with Toblerone,” she said. She added that the house reeked of marijuana, though she didn’t see the Canadian star himself partake in any.

She said Bieber got caught up in the heat of the moment, at one point jumping onto one of the mansion’s walls and yelling, “I’m the king of the world!”

Nine girls and all he does is eat a candy bar and pull some lame ass Jack Dawson move?? Somebody must have neutered him during a diaper change if his shit didn’t just fall off thanks to an infection passed from a Brazilian hooker.

Back in my day, losing phone privileges meant I had to go a week without huddling against the wall of my mother’s kitchen, twisting the cord around my fingers until it left marks while trying to hear my friends over Matlock reruns in the background. These days, it means handing your phone over for a night to save a self-aggrandizing fucklet the embarrassment of getting caught eating his dinner on a divided Elmo plate before disappearing with a group of girls to play M*A*S*H and Light As A Feather, Stiff As A Board.

 (Pic via Splash)

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >