And Here’s A Video Of Justin Bieber Sleeping After Spending The Night With A Girl In Brazil (UPDATE)

So much for that “confiscating cell phone” rule. Here’s a video that showed up on YouTube of the permanent itch on humanity’s ball sack Justin Bieber dreaming of bottomless janitor buckets while a Brazilian girl, who may or may not be one of the hookers he picked up from that whorehouse, films him on her cell phone. The cackles did not stop coming out of my mouth when the camera whipped around and she blew a kiss at him. The Biebs thinks he’s fully grown now, but he’s not since he obviously doesn’t know about one of the most important grown up rules in life: “Kick your trick out right after the fuck times is over and give them a moist towelette to wipe their fuck parts with as they walk out the door.”

I was beginning to think that she was just the au pair and after Justin woke up from a night terror, she patted his wittle head until he we went mimi’s again. But then I saw this tweet that’s supposedly from the girl who filmed a sleeping Biebs.

Thanks @justinbieber for the fresh dolla bills pic.twitter.com/GIP9FwbQrL

— gaby del campo (@gabydelcampo) November 7, 2013

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I was wondering why she looked so satisfied. It obviously wasn’t from the dick. It was because she got paid. And now she better go down to the clínica gratuita (that’s “free clinic” in Google Portuguese), because she’s probably got a serous case of Bieber Fever (which is way worse than Chlamydia).

UPDATE: The Daily Mail says that the girl’s name is Tati Neves and she’s not a pussy peddler. The source claims that Tati was one of 10 girls that Justin brought back to his villa in Rio to party with. The Biebs fell asleep and Tati filmed him. And some have pointed out that she doesn’t have a wrist tattoo like the ho in that tweet does. I slowed down the video and looked for a tattoo on that girl’s wrist. I didn’t see one. So the chick in the video and the ho flashing that money she claims she got from the Biebs are two different people. And yes, this is my life.

via Reddit (Thanks to everyone who sent this)