Lindsey Vonn Is Still Trying To Make Fetch Happen In The Form Of Tiger Woods

November 5, 2013 / Posted by:

In her latest attempt to make the public forget what a mess Tiger Woods can be, Lindsey Vonn trotted herself out onto Katie Couric’s stage (via USWeekly) in her latest bid to convince people Tiger is a low-key, likable guy.

“He’s funny,” Vonn says of Woods with a big smile. “He’s really laid-back. He’s a great guy. He’s always making jokes… very competitive, just like me.”

“We have very similar personalities,” she further explains, “but if there’s one thing I could say: he’s funny. He’s goofy, like dorky goofy.”

“Really?! I don’t know, you just don’t think of Tiger Woods as kind of dorky,” Couric says in disbelief. “He seems like such a cool costumer [sic].”

Vonn jokingly adds, “He’s probably not going to be that excited that I just said that.”

So… he’s competitive and is going to be pissed you called him goofy and  dorky. Sounds totally laid-back to me! I’m not sure what brand of Delusion Juice Lindsey has been drinking, but these two were ridiculous from the get-go, beginning with their Sears portrait studio head shots, with most of the head coming from her. If Tiger is truly always making jokes, there had better be some quality “So I Married An Axe Murderer” lines being thrown at her and that giant face.

I used to work at the same company as Tiger’s half-sister Royce before he hit it really big and she had a bunch of pictures of him hung up in her cubicle. Back then, I might have believed the “he’s just a regular guy” crap, but not after Elingate. No matter how convinced Lindsey is that she can sell him as a Tiger that can change his stick-his-dick-in-anything stripes, it’s just a matter of time before he gets this kind of drunk and starts thrusting on horrified women while singing, “If you like my penis a-lotta” (sorry, Rupert Holmes). He could turn to a life of stand up comedy and I’d still only be able to think of him as an uptight, dickbag golfer banging a waitress who is flying on Red Wings Airlines in a parking lot.

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