Eva Mendes’ Jealousy Is Tearing Her And Ryan Gosling Apart

November 2, 2013 / Posted by:

In a story that reads like fanfiction written by the lead member of the McGosling4Ever shippers, UsWeekly says that Ryan Gosling’s on-and-off relationship with Eva Mendes is about to slide permanently into the off position, because he’s moodier than a grown man who can’t beat level 65 on Candy Crush (I’m typing from experience) and she’s a jealous trick who thinks that any girl who texts him wants to suck his dick until his sperm count temporarily drops to zero (SPOILER ALERT: they do).

A source tells UsWeekly that Eva and Ryan broke up for a quick minute six months ago and ever since they got back together, their relationship has been a mess. Eva’s “friends” say that in the past, she used to turn into a human rainbow of pure joy every time someone brought Ryan’s name up, but now when somebody brings him up, she pretty much slaps his name out of their mouth. The source said:

“He can be moody, and she’s insecure. She sees a text from a mystery number and assumes he’s talking to other girls. She shuts down anyone who brings up Ryan. It’s clear something is wrong. I wouldn’t be surprised if they split for good soon.”

It’s clear something is wrong? Huh? Whenever one of my boyfriend’s got a text, a call or an email from a trick whose name I didn’t recognize, I’d reenact the Rage of Bernadine scene from Waiting to Exhale by cutting up all his shit and taking a flame thrower to his car. Then I’d burn down the cell tower near his house so he wouldn’t get reception anymore. Isn’t that a normal and reasonable response to your piece getting a text from a stranger bitch?

Ryan and Eva (Side note: What is their couple name? MenSling? RyEva? I like RyEva, because it sounds like a cocktail made with rye and Summer’s Eve) have been together on-and-off for two years. The honeymoon is over and now he’s bitchy and she’s a jealous wreck. That doesn’t mean that something is clearly wrong. It means that something is clearly NORMAL. Aren’t all relationships like that? (asked the scarred mess who only knows dysfunction).

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