A Check Is A Check: Heidi Montag Invites Entertainment Tonight To Film Her Most Recent Plastic Surgery
I didn’t think we’d still be writing about Heidi Montag in 2013 either, but here we are. According to HuffPo, the former reality star and come-to-life RealDoll has gone under the knife again, but this time to take her elementary school dodgeball chichis down from a size F to a size D. Heidi cites ‘health reasons’ for her trip to the ER, so I feel like it would be really shitty of me to make fun of someone who isn’t putting on the paper gown for funnies. So I won’t. What’s not off-limits, however, is the fact that she invited Brooke Anderson and Entertainment Tonight to film the whole thing. Doctor, you might want to check Heidi’s fame-hongray-ho levels; they seem to have risen again.
— Brooke Anderson (@BrookeAnderson) October 31, 2013
Back in 2010, Heidi had to go hard in order to distinguish herself from the other bowls of cold oatmeal on The Hills. Lauren Conrad was writing books. Whitney Port was making clothes. Audrina Patridge was staring aggressively at the ceiling. After hooking up with that ghost-bearded asshole and failing to gain any footing as a parody artist (wait, this was for real? Oh fuck, that’s a bummer), she did what any of us would do; she spent all her money on multiple surgical augmentations that would render her completely unrecognizable and forever uncomfortable. That only kept us entertained for a month or so, and suddenly, like Keyser Söze, she vanished (but by that time we had the Kardashians, so we barely noticed she was gone).
Heidi clearly misses the attention; why else would you invite a camera crew to videotape the intimate moments between Plastic Surgeon and Patient’s silicone titty sacks? Oh, right. Money. When you blow 10-million on stuff n’ things, have to move back in with your parents, and working the night shift at TARGET gives you the dry heaves, then of course you would call up Entertainment Tonight and ask them: “Wanna watch me get new boobies? It’ll only cost ya $1000”. Look, I don’t know how much she’s getting paid by Entertainment Tonight, but you know it cannot be much more than $1000. Ugh. That’s what we call a sobering thought.
Oh brother. Stories like this should be taught as a college-level course to bright-eyed kids who dream of moving out to Hollywood. If you become famous (and you might, if you let the right famous brother pee on you) you need to remember that in the grand scheme of things, you ain’t shit. One day you might find yourself followed by 24 paparazzi trying to get a picture of you putting change in your meter on Melrose, but 3 months later you could be begging TMZ to appear at the ribbon-cutting ceremony you’re hosting at a Ross Dress for Less in Glendale (if you’re lucky. Don’t think you’ll be above a Del Taco grand opening in Arcadia).
(Pic via Wenn)