Talking About Michael Fassbender’s Big Peen Is Sexist, So Says Michael Fassbender

Michael Fassbender’s long dong swaying dick was the breakout star of Shame, it stole every scene it was in and many of us signed a petition to get the Academy to properly honor it with an honorary Oscar for best performance by a big dick in a movie (no disrespect to cinema’s other huge prick Ashton Kutcher). But just like fellow Salchicha Gordo Club member Jon Hamm, Michael Fassbender is tired of bitches talking about his big dick, and he’d really like us whores to stop focusing on his big dick, and he wants to be seen as something more than a dude with a big dick, and he wants the tweets about his big dick to stop (he’s talking to you, Damon Lindelof)!

As Sharon Stone’s vagina threw Michael Fassbender an “Is that so?” look, he told Elle UK (via The Cut) that it would be considered sexual harassment if everybody talked about an actresses’ chocha the way everyone talks about his big dick.

It wouldn’t be acceptable, it would be seen as sexual harassment, people saying [to an actress], “Your vagina …” You know?

You know, I didn’t totally get what Michael Fassbender said, because my brain was too busy thinking about his big dick swinging to and fro. Can Michael Fassbender say that again? Better yet, can Michael Fassbender get his big dick to say the words. I’ll totally pay attention then. I promise.