Kim Kardashian Has Feelings Along With A Face That Doesn’t Move

October 31, 2013 / Posted by:

When most people are faced with criticism, they rise to the occasion, re-evaluate their priorities and re-invent themselves as a stronger, wiser individual. Not Kim Kardashian. Her responses to bullying (take it away, Inigo Montoya) and comments about her weight during her pregnancy with North have included stuffing herself into a bathing suit I can only assume is made out of a Hefty Force Flex bag, and stealing a tablecloth dress pattern off Maria Von Trapp’s “Sewing Projects” Pinterest page as a “big middle finger” to her haters.

Kim went on Jay Leno last night and between the 978 “likes” that you could easily turn into a drinking game if you’re willing to be face down/ass up wasted before the first commercial break, she talked about how hurt her feelings were (via Gossip Cop).

“It really hurt my soul,” the new mom says of the near-constant body criticism she received.  “It changed how I am in the public a little bit. I would go out and there would just be photos of me anytime I was hungry… and these stories where I was like 200 pounds.”

Looking back, Kardashian says “it was the greatest challenge of my life to have gained 50 pounds” and to deal with the public’s cruelty to boot.

Even though she’s now lost all the weight, the reality star says the nastiness she faced has made her want to “live more of a private life.”

“Why would I subject myself to so much negativity? Especially now that I have a daughter. I just don’t need that energy. I rather be in a happy place, when I’m home,” explains Kardashian.

I can empathize with feeling like shit over a pregnancy weight gain after joining the Heffa Club more than once myself. I spent two of three pregnancies floating in a pool of gravy with a box of donuts balanced on my stomach like some kind of gluttonous otter. The only reason I didn’t do it a third time was because the Lord came to me in the form of Wilford Brimley and gave me the DIABEETUS so that I may learn.

She lost my ass with the soul thing, though. Kim has a better chance of getting a read off her emotions with a Magic 8 ball since we all know she sold her soul to PMK in exchange for the fame she has NO fucking intention of not continuing to ride like a whore on a dick. Her version of changing doesn’t mean a life outside of the spotlight, it means a life inside her closet with a full length mirror and a wide variety of Instagram filters to choose from. Sorry, Kim- there’s no filter that will hide your desperate need for validation.

A clip of her interview is below and do have to give Jay Leno credit for not poking her in the face with awe and wonderment while asking her how she manages to look so lifelike. That girl is one more trip to the surgeon’s office (under the guise of wanting to live privately) from completing her transformation into a ventriloquist’s dummy. If only we could get Morgan Freeman to drive Kim out to a field for a “what’s in the fucking box” moment but instead of Gwyneth Paltrow’s head (which would also be nice), it’s Kim’s three faces ago when she could still actually move it.

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