This morning, I woke up to the most terrifying, horrific headline that made me almost let go of the empty bottle of red wine I spoon with and jump out of bed to rent a U-Haul, drive to Trader Joe’s and buy all the cases of Two-And-A-Half-Buck Chuck. The headline was:
But then I came across another headline that instantly healed me and gave me a buzz. Who needs wine when you can get happy drunk on a video of Guy Fieri having a whiny, screechy, slap fight with his hair stylist.
TMZ says that the throbbing boil on an albino porcupine’s ass was boozing with his hairdresser Ariel Ramirez on a flight to San Francisco International Airport on Saturday. When they landed, they both got into an SUV and were about to drive home when for some reason, they got into a fight and took each other to SlapDown Town. There was drama! There was theater! There was slapping! There was screaming! There were tears! There was anguish!
That video is my new favorite pick-me-up. Ariel sounds exactly like a drunken 21-year-old me screaming at my boyfriend outside of a gay bar after accusing him of throwing sex eyes at another trick.
Eventually, Guy’s manager took a weeping Ariel home in a cab. A source tells TMZ that Ariel and Guy were just “dudes being dudes.” Guy told TMZ that it was just “a bunch of guys messing around. Things got a little out of hand, but they’re all good now.” Yeah, a good old-fashioned bro brawl IS a peroxide-headed TV cook having a slappy, scream fight with his personal hair stylist.
There’s so much to be said about this. It’s really hard for me to believe that a hairdresser gets paid to travel around the country with Guy and do that to his hair. I thought he bleached that mess himself and got his hair spiky like that by sticking a deep fried zesty mozzarella stick up his ass. But I am more than happy that Ariel travels with Guy, because if he didn’t, they never would’ve gotten into this lovers spat at the airport and it never would’ve been captured on camera. They really need their own reality show called Dudes Being Dudes.
And Guy must’ve been tanked, because if he was sober, he would’ve screamed, “Not the hair, bitch, not the hair,” as Ariel slapped at him.