Shaquille O’Neal decided to endorse New Jersey Republican Governor Chris Christie (aka The Fleece from the East) in a video to promote Christie’s campaign for the upcoming election on November 5th. Please note: that was the newsiest sentence I’ve ever written in my life, and I now need to go have a drink and a lie-down. Shaq, who was born in New Jersey but now lives in Florida, decided to publicly endorse Governor Christie after the two worked on New Jersey’s ongoing gun buyback programs, and have been BFFs ever since. Cut to Chris Christie and Shaq playing Girl Talk in the den while Shaq’s mom makes them cookies and root bear floats (“Mrs. O’Neal, can I have 8 more root beer floats?” – Chris Christie).
A 10-foot tall giant basketball celebrity filming a video endorsing a politician is all well and good, until we stop for a second and remember that Shaq CANNOT FUCKING ACT. Chris Christie probably though it would be great to have Shaq in a campaign spot, agreed to it with Shaq’s agent, then happened to catch an Icy Hot commercial on TV and remembered that it always sounds like Shaq’s been sedated by a heavy tranq dart. But it was too late! They already put Shaq in that blue sweater and started filming!
My favourite part of the video is when Shaq Laurence Olivier delivers the line “He’s a good man. Excuse me, he’s a great man”. Good lord. I’ve seen better card-reading from a pilled-to-the-gills Lindsay Lohan on Saturday Night Live. Also, “He’s working with me to bring jobs back to our cities”? In what way, Shaq? Are you two boosting the economy by opening a chain of New Jersey dojos and hiring Shaq-Fu experts? When Chris Christie gets re-elected (which, if my very piss-poor research skills can tell, it looks like he will) I would love to see Shaq show up at the New Jersey Governor’s office at 9am with a briefcase and a coffee mug, cornering Chris Christie at his car and slow-breathing “Okay boss, I’m ready for my first day of work.” Actually, that’s an NBC sitcom waiting to happen. Get on it, television!
(Video via Daily Mail)