Putting Miley into show business. Allowing Noah to dress like a harlot. Letting Trace walk around in public without a bag over his head. The Cyruses won’t ever be up for Parents of the Year, so why not let a 13 year old Noah drive a damn car while you sit shotgun, Billy Ray? TMZ has a photo of Billy Ray- smiling like he just got spun around in a hairdresser’s chair and handed a mirror to check out the back of his blowout- next to his teenaged daughter who’s behind the wheel in Toluca Lake, CA.
Someone needs to remind him that this isn’t some podunk town in Kentucky where throwing your kid into a rusted out Chevy truck when they’re old enough to reach the pedals is a rite of passage. This is Southern California, where where the likes of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Kendall Jenner prove they can’t drive for shit and cruise around like they’re at some bunkass carnival riding the bumper cars. It may be fitting, though, considering the entire Cyrus family is about as close to actual carnies as it gets in Hollywood.
If Trish or Billy Ray had a brain in either of their damn heads, they would look at Exhibits A, B, C and so on until they run out of letters and have to switch over to the Greek alphabet and maybe realize that treating your kids like adults can backfire. The last thing Hollywood needs is another spoiled, entitled brat whose parents never learned the phrase that pays: FUCK NO! Noah looks so much like a younger Miley I want to scoop her up before it’s too late for her and bring her home. She can drive our Deere lawn tractor and instead of building a resumé filled with “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM??” and underage traffic violations, she can build some fucking character by the tried-and-true method normal parents use called “go outside and do all the shit I’m tired of doing”. Give me a few weekends of raking leaves and shoveling snow and I’ll have all the fuckery her parents have instilled in her gone.
(Pic of Billy Ray, Noah and Brandi Cyrus via Instagram)