Because Alan Thicke’s son’s entire goal in life is to let you know every detail about his fuck life (future headline: Robin Thicke says the average weight of his cum loads is approximately 3.97 gallons), he told Elle (via People) something about his fuck life. We already know that Robin’s dick is bigger than his son’s (there’s not enough CAN’Ts in the world) and now he’s saying that his wife Paula Patton loves to bump wet parts to his songs. Robin says that their sex life is sometimes too spicy (ugh) and they love to role play and hump each other to his falsetto. When asked if they sex each other to his songs, he said:
“Yes. In fact, she likes to do it more than ever now. Sometimes she’ll even play groupie for me.”
You know, I think Robin’s answer got lost in translation. What he meant to say is: “She’ll pick out a groupie for me so she won’t have to fuck me to my own stupid songs.”
Robin wants us all to think that they’re so damn freaky and that they regularly have orgies on top of a giant, lubed-up screen playing his videos on a loop. But I wouldn’t be surprised if a hot night for them is sipping chamomile tea while watching CBS in their separate twin beds.
And Robin can keep trying, but we all know that Alan is the freakiest Thicke. I’m sure Alan loves to fuck to the Growing Pains theme song. Show me that smile again…
Here’s Robin and Paula with their kid at the pumpkin patch in West Hollywood yesterday.