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October 26, 2013 / Posted by:

Wild One from Golden Girls and the Guardians of the Gemstones!

1984 was an important and golden year in history, if not THEE most important and golden year in history, because it was the year that NBC got the idea for Golden Girls and it was also the year that Golden Girl and the Guardians of the Gemstones made its debut. Golden Girl and the Guardians of the Gemstones was a line of hot dolls and some say that it was nothing but a busted down, low-budget, cheap wannabe version of She-Ra. She-Ra was created in 1984, but the dolls weren’t sold to the public until 1985. (I didn’t even have to look that up. No, I can’t name all the states on a map of the US, but I can tell you the early history of She-Ra.)

The whole plot of Golden Girl and the Guardians of the Gemstones was just like the plot of She-Ra. Golden Girl (who I wish looked like Bea Arthur) traveled on a unicorn and was the leader of the Guardians, a group of hot bitches whose main goals in life were to look hot, wear as much eyeliner as possible and protect Argonia from the evil Dragon Queen and her minions. (Yes, I am a grown adult and I typed that entire sentence for serious.) Just like Catra, the Dragon Queen and her entourage were way hotter and more glamorous than the good girls. My favorite was Wild One, because she dressed like a viking go-go dancer, had busted tattoos all over her thighs and her boots were covered with cone dildos (those are so not spikes).

Here’s the Dragon Queen and her bitches. It looks like Ke$hit, Kanye, Lady CaCa, RiRi and Katy Perry going to Bootsy Bellows together.

guardiansofthegalaxyvillains

Because Golden Girl and the Guardians of the Gemstones were just too forward for their time (aka She-Ra took them out), they only lasted a year and were discontinued.

And yes, I am a grown adult who will be singing “Golden guuuuuuuuurl” for the rest of the day.

(Pics via Flickr)

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