Now This Is Some Benjamin Button’s Shit

October 25, 2013 / Posted by:

Jesus be a brown hair dye rain storm falling on Johnny Depp’s head, because those piss yellow locks on his head are sucking all of the hotness out of him. When Johnny Depp debuted his new yallaw hayer-ah (copyright: Tim Peeler), I thought it looked like piss on hay, but it wasn’t that awful. But here’s Johnny leaving Scott’s Restaurant in London with his piece Amber Heard and THAT HAIR. The shade of that hair color should be called Muhammad Ali, because it knocked out his hotness cold. (Let me grab my things before you GONG me for that one.)

Having that hair color is only okay if it’s for a role or if you’re a 7th grader who dyed your hair own hair in the backyard using a garden hose and hydrogen peroxide. He’s got nicotine-stained hair. Has Johnny never heard of the five letter word TONER?!

In that picture above, Johnny looks like a sassy crypt keeper who’s the host of Fabulous Tales from the Crypt. You can almost hear him saying, “Hay, gurl, I want to eat your brains.” And since I put it that way, yes, I still would, but I’d have to brown bag that fucked up hair.

Pics: Bauer Griffin, Splash

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