Ugh, some people just can’t leave high school behind. Kanye West (aka the Regina George of grown-up drama queens) invited damn near everyone to his super-intimate and low-key spectacle at AT&T Park on Monday night, except Bruce Jenner, who was SO NOT INVITED. I like to imagine Kanye leaning against a locker (filled with yearbook pictures of Riccardo Tisci playing JV lacrosse) holding a Trapper Keeper against his chest and telling his assistant: “Oh my god, DO NOT invite Bruce. If he shows up, I will, like, totally flip out.”
TMZ says that Kanye formed the WE H8 BRUCE Club after Bruce threw shade at Kim Kardashian for hooking up with Kanye so quickly after her split with Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer’s son Kris Humphries. After Bruce and Kris Jenner split, Kanye showed up at Kris’s house with Ben & Jerry’s and a VHS copy of Boys on the Side to bond over how totally lame Bruce is. NO! That never happened, but I wish.
So Kanye throws a huge party and invites Kim, Kris, Scott Disick, E! News, TMZ, dead George Washington, the sad dogs from Sarah McLachlan’s SPCA commercial, everyone. Meanwhile, poor Brucie is at home in a Snuggie wondering why all of his fucking family is live-Tweeting pictures of a giant diamond from San Francisco. Kim considers Bruce to be her father, so naturally her first call was to Bruce to tell him she had just gotten engaged (a conversation the two of them have had many times now. She has it nearly memorized; give her a couple more engagements, and she won’t need the note cards anymore!)
So even though it would have meant a lot to Kim that her dad was there, it doesn’t matter: it’s always going to be Kanye’s Day, Kanye’s Way. Brucie, don’t worry about Kanye and that whole mess of a family. You’ll always have a warm spot held for you in society’s heart as the only voice of reason in that goddamnned Kardashian crazy house.
(Pic via Wenn)