Laura Jeanne Poon Is Oppressive

He’s totally trying to get the taste of the ballgag out of his mouth in that picture. One of the greatest contributions to our culture is Michael K. divining the extremely patriotic and sickeningly entitled Reese Witherspoon‘s real name to be “Laura Jeanne Poon”. It’s not really , but “Poon” is so perfect that I pretend it’s troof! Having the surname of “Poon” is the reason why Reese seems so uptight and utterly humorless. It’s also why life behind  the hundreds of doors to her three mansions is joyless and stifling for her spouse.

Showbiz Spy reports (have your grain of salt ready) that Reese’s husband Jim Toth is only allowed to speak to her on a schedule. My name is Laura Jeanne Poon, I’ll be your mistress tonight. *sound of buttplug being shoved in Jim’s ass without lube*

“Jim knows when and when not to speak, based on a set schedule Reese has made,” a source said. “Jim will do anything in his power not to upset his wife… and when she doesn’t want him to speak, he shuts up.”

“Reese, I…” “SILENCE, INFIDEL! IT’S NOT 3:30 PM! Your next declarative sentence is allowed then and only then, scum!”

Madge doesn’t know shit about enslavers! She needs to have tea at Laura Jeanne Poon’s house sometime. Jimmy serves it. In a gimp suit. On his hands and knees. With the tray on his back. *shiver* It’s kinky at the Poon residence.