Pimp Mama Kris Can’t Stand That Bruce Jenner Is More Of A Gorgeous Woman Than She’ll Ever Be

True story: My lips were dry and chapped, and as soon as I looked at that cover, they were suddenly silky and covered with a thick layer of gloss. Auntie Bruce’s beauty brings moisture to all lips.

Earlier last year, Robert Kardashian’s ex-wife Ellen used Star Magazine to get a quick check by exposing Bruce Jenner’s love of caressing his turkey jerky skin with a pair of pink satin panties. Ellen told Star that Bruce’s ex-wife told her that the petals on Bruce’s butt flower get extra tingly when he transforms himself into Miss Brucella by putting on gorgeous gowns and high heels. Now Star Magazine is saying that Bruce’s cross dressing ways are the reason why his marriage to Pimp Mama Kris died. Jezebel read the highly important article and they say that a source says that Bruce loves to wearing diamond earrings, loves to get manicures, loves to get pedicures and loves to pluck his eyebrows. If that means that Bruce wants to be a woman, then that means 99% of the dudes in Hollywood and beyond also want to be a woman, because everyone lives for that kind of pampering.

The source says that PMK is threatening to tell everyone that Bruce is Danny Aiello in Prêt-à-Porter if he doesn’t do what she says:

“Kris has told Bruce that she will reveal his secret if he doesn’t go along with her plans about their split or their show.”

Let that devil bitch whore spill Bruce’s secret. It’ll be her greatest regret in life. Because if she does, it will finally give Bruce a reason to step out of the darkness and into the spotlight in his full cross dressing glory. Scott would leave Kourtney, Kanye would rip up his contract with Kim and Lamar would drop his crack pipe to throw himself at Bruce’s size 24 sparkly red high heel. Brucella Jenner would steal all of their men without even trying. Those gutter Kardashian hags are no match for Brucella. So do it, PMK, do it.

Besides, Bruce being a cross dresser isn’t weird at all. But Bruce marrying PMK in the first place is some weird and fucked-up shit.