Now that the government shut down is pretty much over, we can get back to talking about what really matters in this country: Fifty Shades of Shit.
When it was announced that Charlie Hunnam was going to be Christian Grey, I figured that they convinced him to do it by backing up a dump truck full of gold coins, jewels, pearls and everything else in Scrooge McDuck’s vault into his driveway. The only way an actor who is supposedly worth $8 million (according to the extremely, extremely reliable CelebrityNetWorth.com and by “extremely reliable” I mean not really reliable) would star in that mess if the check they gave him had a string of zeros falling off of it. But The Hollywood Reporter says that Charlie was going to get paid $125,000 to say poetic lines like, “You’ve had six orgasms so far and all of them belong to me.”
A source tells THR that money wasn’t even the reason why Charlie hit the alarm and ran for the emergency exit. Charlie was freaking out over all the attention he was getting and had problems with the script. He gave notes to screenwriter Kelly Marcel, but the producers refused to give him script approval. The source says that Charlie’s dick never got hard for the project, so he pulled his soft peen out of that bitch and quit.
Now, let’s go back to the $125,000 shit…
$125,000 is a lot of money and it can buy you a lot of things like an 1,800 square foot house in Detroit, around 54,000 cheddar bacon potato wedges from Jack in the Box, 1,250 kittens from the ASPCA or a custom made Prince Hot Ginge Real Doll (I priced it). But $125,00 to risk fucking up his career? I’m sure he was going to get a cut of the back end (wink wink), but what if it was a flop and turned out to be the next Showgirls and he became this generation’s Elizabeth Berkley? Wait….since I put it that way, Charlie Hunnam is a stupid bitch for dropping out of that shit, because he could’ve starred in the next Showgirls and been this generation’s Elizabeth Berkley!