In case you barely woke up from the fuckery-induced coma you fell into after watching Miley Cyrus twerk on Bettlejuice’s crotch while tongue fucking the air during the VMAs and know nothing about this Sinead O’Connor feud, then consider yourself lucky and take your eyes away from this post. But if you really need to know, here’s the history of the worst feud ever:
September 24, 2013 - Rolling Stone farts out an interview with Miley where she says that her video for “Wrecking Ball” was inspired by Sinead’s video for “Nothing Compares 2 U.”
October 2, 2013 – Sinead starts her open-letter-a-thon by writing her first open letter where she used the word “prostitute” approximately five million times and told Miley that the music industry doesn’t give half-a-fuck about her and is only using her.
October 3, 2013 – Miley replaced “fast-drying ass lube” as Sinead’s greatest enemy when she basically called Sinead a crazy bitch by comparing her to Amanda Bynes.
October 3, 2013 – Sinead wrote a second open letter and threatened to sue Miley if that hillbilly lizard didn’t apologize to her and Amanda for making fun of mental illness.
October 3, 2013 – Miley tweeted an invitation to Sinead to meet up and twerk it out.
October 4, 2013 – Sinead turned down Miley’s invitation and once again threatened to sue her lizard tongue off if she doesn’t apologize.
October 7, 2013 - Miley tells Matt Lauer on Today that Sinead is an “incredible artist” and that it’s kind of crazy how Sinead turned on her so fast.
October 8, 2013 - Sinead thought Miley was calling her crazy and shit out a FOURTH OPEN LETTER where she basically said the same crap she said in her second and third open letters.
October 8, 2013 - When asked at her album release party if she’s going to make up with Sinead, Miley said, “Are we supposed to kiss?”
And that brings us to Sinead’s FIFTH FUCKING OPEN LETTER:
I hear you’ve asked “Are we supposed to kiss?”.. when someone asked you would we ‘make up’. No, worry not.. there’s no need for kissing.. But let me state again.. You’re supposed to apologise for the mocking of any person who sought help, publicly or privately, to prevent themselves from committing suicide.
You’re also supposed to apologise for mocking people who are mistakenly or otherwise perceived to be mentally ill. Because what you did is extraordinarily dangerous as it contributes to the silences which allow suicide to flourish and also contributes to the bullying of people perceived mistakenly or otherwise to be mentally ill. That bullying causes suicides. Thats why you’re supposed to apologise. Its really very simple. People die every day because of the type of thing you did.
Its not that hard to say sorry. Doing so will save lives.
Sinead’s kids are nibbling on grass like sick cats since their mom hasn’t fed them in weeks, there’s a new kind of cheese growing on her pits since she hasn’t bathed in forever and her b-hole has tightened up since she hasn’t conquered the difficult brown in days. And it’s all because she’s been too busy writing open letter after open letter to a dumb trick who isn’t even reading them! Here’s my own open letter to Sinead:
Love your brother in difficult browness,
I’m not against Sinead writing letters to Miley, but I am against all these open letters. Send that shit in the mail, Sinead! If Sinead sent Miley private letters through the mail, she’d single-handedly save the entire United States Postal Service!