Kat Torres Is Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s New Piece, So Says Kat Torres

October 14, 2013 / Posted by:

Around twenty five minutes ago, Leonardo DiCatchAHo was going around with that Victoria’s Secret model whose name I always read as Teri Garr. But I guess Leonardo tossed Teri Garr’s ass in a box and sent her to the Victoria’s Secret Return Center before he ordered a new piece from Elite Model Management in Paris. 24-year-old Kat Torres, who is originally from a small town near Sao Paulo and  lives in Paris now, tells the Brazilian newspaper Extra (via Daily Mail) that she met 38-year-old Leo in Cannes and now they’re bumping nipples.

“I met Leo in Cannes. We were staying in the same house at the festival. Leo is amazing, but I worry about what he will think about me talking to you. We have a pact that nothing can ever be said about our relationship. In Europe it is different. People see us together in many places so they do not need to ask us about anything. He doesn’t like being photographed and barely goes out walking once people have realized it’s him.”

There’s one big, glaring thing that doesn’t make sense about this shit:

Bitch ain’t a Victoria’s Secret or Sports Illustrated model. Leo usually only orders from Victoria’s Secret or Sports Illustrated. He doesn’t get into bed unless a VS or SI model is in it. His true soulmate Lukas Haas constantly begs VS and SI to please give him a contract so Leo will finally look at him for real. So this doesn’t really make any sense…. But whatever, we shouldn’t wrap our brain cells around this mess, because as soon as she opened her mouth and said, “I’m dating, Leonardo DiCaprio,” he stamped the word “VOID” on their relationship contract and picked up a VS catalog to order a new piece. Bye, ho.

And here’s some of Kat’s modeling pics. She looks like a fembot who’s equal parts Heidi Montag, Shakira and Ivanka Trump.

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