Alamo Drafthouse Bans Madge For Life

“It’s for business, enslaver!” is supposedly what Madge spat at a trick who told her to stop texting during the New York Film Festival premiere of 12 Years A Slave, a movie about slavery. HA. Only Madge would cry about getting stripped of her texting privileges during a movie about a man getting stripped of his freedom. I’m surprised that all the actors on the screen didn’t stop to shed a tear for Madge, because yeah, they have it bad, but at least nobody told them to stop texting during a movie.

Madge wasn’t in an Alamo Drafthouse when she got caught texting, but that didn’t stop the theater chain’s owner from getting a little free publicity from it. The CEO of Alamo Drafthouse Tim League, who has declared war on movie theater texters and talkers, declared in a tweet that Madge is forever banned from all of his theaters until she apologizes for the sin she has committed.

Until she apologizes to movie fans, Madonna is banned from watching movies @drafthouse. http://t.co/cHMeseJxMJ

— Tim League (@timalamo) October 11, 2013

Entertainment Weekly asked Tim League if he’s serious about banning her ass, and he shook his head yes even though he knows that she probably never goes to public movie theaters since she prefers to watch movies in her home screening room while sitting on Baby Brahim’s naked lap. Tim League said, “Yeah, I’m serious, but I don’t think it really affects her life that much.”

A couple of years ago, Alamo Drafthouse made an anti-texting PSA out of a hilarious voicemail from an angry asshole who got kicked out of their theater for texting. In case you forgot:

I don’t think Tim should ban Madge from his theaters. Instead he should give her free tickets. And after she shows up and gets kicked out for texting during the movie, they should record her getting revenge on them by sucking their souls out with her vadge and ripping their throats out with her velociraptor claws. Because they need a new PSA.