I’ve never had the urge to join a cult, because the wardrobe is usually busted, they usually have a curfew, they usually don’t have an open bar, you’re always around people and call me an old-fashioned bitch, but offing myself with dozens of other people is not the way I want to go out. But I’d totally sell all my shit and put on a fugly tracksuit to join a cult where ASkars is the leader and he silently walks around topless with a tattered, used and abused blond wig on his head.
ASkars pulled his season 1 Vampire Eric wig out of storage, quickly shook the dust out of it and slapped it on his head to star in Cut Copy’s video for “Free Your Mind” (which sadly isn’t a cover of the En Vogue song).
Let’s see, a cult where you get to give ASkars a foot bath (dude won’t care if you switch that rag for your tongue or moist fuck parts), play basketball with him and a Santa Claus Jesus, get kissed on the forehead by him while you’re standing in a pool, watch him tame a dog with his mighty (it’s not mighty at all) bark, measure the strength of his piss stream, stare at him while you’re humping another cult member, randomly make out with him in the kitchen and then watch his saggy chonies sway back and forth as he runs away into the darkness. This is my kind of cult!
Goodbye, family and free will. Hello, ugly tracksuit!