I wasn’t planning to see Lars Von Trier’s 5-hour-long CGI torture porn Nymphomaniac, because I’m afraid that watching 5 hours of Lars Von Trier’s idea of arty porn is going to make my gonads completely dry up and die. But now I really don’t need to see it after my eyeballs have laid themselves on the posters of each character hilariously jizzing. I just want to print them all out and wallpaper my front door with them, because this messy shit will keep all visitors away!
If you’ve always wanted to see Shia LaDouche, Christian Slater, Alexander Skarsgard’s daddy and Uma Thuman cum all artistic-like, your wish has been granted. Some of the slightly NSFW-ish posters (via ONTD) are after the cut. Warning: Most of these O faces look like OhImPushingOutThisShitHard face.
Charlotte Gainsbourg doesn’t really look like she’s orgasming. It looks like she’s in the middle of cursing a bitch out. If you were sitting behind Charlotte in a movie theater and talking really loudly with your friend, this is what her face would look like after she turned around to tell you to shut the fuck up.
Stellan Skarsgard is making the same face you’re making while looking at all of these posters. And yes, I would. I mean, he’s the owner of the peen that co-created ASkars!
I know this is supposed to look like Shia LaDouche getting a beej, but it looks like Shia’s examining the various warts on his dick while pissing into a toilet.
POOP, BILLY, POOP!
Oh, I see that Christian Slater is one of those hos who cries while he’s cumming. I wonder if he’s ever accidentally wiped up his post-sex tears with the same Kleenex he wiped up the post-sex mess with.
Even Uma Thurman’s cum face looks like a Lancome ad.
Yes, Willem Dafoe looks like one of those serious fappers who can’t have any distractions while he faps and has to concentrate hard, but my question is, why does his eyelid look like a walnut?
A few days after Shia and Mia fucked for the first time, this is the “it buuuuuuuuurns” face she made while peeing. If you’ve boned Shia and make this face while peeing, get in line at the Free Clinic, because you’ve got Chlamydia, girl.
Udo Kier is either dying a slow, painful death or he just watched the Kanye/Kimmel interview in its entirety.
Ugh. I don’t know if this is Nicolas Bro’s true O face, but I do know that this is the face he makes when he falls asleep on the subway with his mouth wide open.
Connie Nielsen is showing us that you must always maintain the sexy even when pushing out a hard shit on the toilet.