Kanye Kardashian went on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night to kill their stupid feud and talk about the stupid skit that sent Kanye into another signature ALL-CAPS meltdown on Twitter. Two weeks ago, the gold leaf on Kanye’s b-hole blew off when he raged over Jimmy spoofing the BBC Radio 1 interview where he said that he invented leather jogging pants and called himself a God. Jimmy did a pretty harmless skit where little kids re-enacted Kanye’s interview almost word for word. Kanye shit out of flames of rage over it, ranted about it on Twitter and screamed at Jimmy over the phone. So last night they came together to make up.
The first BITCH, STOP moment came when Jimmy pulled Kanye’s dick when he said that they did the skit with children, because he thinks children cursing is funny. No, Jimmy and his writers used children, because Kanye sometimes came off as a spoiled, delusional messy boy king in that BBC Radio 1 interview, but whatever. Jimmy apologized and Kanye said that he probably took it too far, but he went off like that because he knows Jimmy. Jimmy kept the jokes to a minimum, mostly kept his mouth shut and tried to pat Kanye’s taint as much as possible. Kanye barely laughed and looked as uncomfortable as my dog getting his temperature taken. The awkwardness was THICK and I kept waiting for Pimp Mama Kris to crash the stage in a black leotard and dance to “Single Ladies” since her cooch is back on the market.
Kanye called himself a genius several times, said that he never does publicity stunts and then he turned the fuckery all the way up when he said that Kim Kardashian deserves a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. You could tell me facts like the sky is blue, birds chirp, Tommy Girl is crazy and Shauna Sand is the most gorgeous creature in the world, but all of that would immediately become false and invalid if you said, “Kim Kardashian deserves a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.”
And this happened:
This is why Kanye is a creative GENIUS and a gift to FASHUN and Jimmy Kimmel isn’t. I’m surprised Kanye didn’t spit at those pants and slap Jimmy, because those are clearly not leather jogging pants. Jimmy tried to trick a bitch. Don’t show a fashion genius oversized pleather pants and try to pass them off as leather jogging pants. You clearly can’t jog in those.
And after all that, Jimmy Kimmel Live became Kanye Kardashian Live (ft. Jimmy Kimmel) when Kanye ranted for 8 minutes straight. Buzzfeed transcribed it, so I didn’t have to use up my last remaining brain cell while doing so. Here’s just a piece of it.
What I was trying to express in the interview was me, I know I’m a hip hop and I’m a rapper and everything but I’ve got ideas that can mean something if I can put the proper production around them. So if I do a Nike Yeezy or Louis Vuitton shoot, the production around it was at the same level as the production on my cd, so if me and Rick Rubin and Mike Dean or whoever are working together. but if i go out and make my own t-shirt or something and call it ‘Kanye’ everyone’s gonna think about when I just called myself a creative genius and say what’s so genius about this? but when people line up for the Yeezy, they say, ‘Oh wow this is really genius.” You need that production. but currently in fashion, theres no black guy at the end of the runway in paris, in all honesty, and that’s what i was talking about when the The Truman Show hit the boat.
But Michael Jackson had to fight to get his videos on MTV because he was considered to be urban. So for me, think about this, when I’m in Paris and I’m sitting in fashion week for nine years and South Park makes fun of our outfits or people don’t understand why I’m there and I’m getting called names, stuff you can’t even say on TV, and I still can’t break that wall down, at a certain point it’s like Michael Jackson trying to get his videos on. Who do you know who’s known more for clothes than me? And to not be able to do and produce at the highest level? and to have a meeting with everyone… And everyone just kind of looks at you like you’re crazy and you don’t crash the internet, and you’re just like, How can you get a shot?
And then you try to do it on your own and no real designers will work for a rapper, and you cannot overcome it. My grandfather drove the first cars in the marches just to get clean water and one of the parallels i want to do for you is RIchard Pryor always just wanted a clean plate, he just wanted to serve his stuff up on a clean plate. So if I do an interview in W Magazine and they take all these classist shots at me — because it’s not about racism anymore, it’s classist, like Paula Deen she was old school, we don’t do it like that anymore, we’re classist. So the classism is what they try to do is to say ‘You’re a rapper or your girl’s on a reality show so you’re not up here with us, we’re old money.’ I’m not into all that snobbery, because we have the loudest voice, we have the loudest communication, and all we want to do is make awesome stuff. All we want is a real shot. Not, I’m a celebrity so that means my line needs to cost $10 a t-shirt, I understand about quality, I understand fabrics, I spent 10,000 hours about this, I dedicated my life to this.
Then a lot of people say you have to do music. I’ll keep doing music, but what if people told me I couldn’t rap, what if people told me I couldn’t perform. I’m only 36 years old, I have other goals and other things and I’m going to use my platform, every platform, to stand up and say I want to make something, I want to make the next Ralph Lauren…
Oh, Kanye keep being Kanye, because nothing makes me shake my head and laugh at the same time like the crazy shit that comes out of his mouth. But I’m still mad that Ben Affleck didn’t come out at the end so that Kanye could say “hash tag no offense to Ben Affleck” to his face.
After the cut is all six parts of Kanye’s interview (if your brain can take it) and after that are some pictures of Kanye with a future Hollywood Walk of Fame recipient.