Over the weekend, Halle Berry birthed out the adorable ball of human that she’ll eventually use as a pawn in a messy custody battle when her relationship with Olivier Martinez crumbles into a million pieces because they’re both crazy bitches. They kept their mouths shut about details. They didn’t burp out their son’s name and they didn’t say whether or not Halle tore Olivier’s throat out since crazy bitches + labor usually equals somebody getting viciously murdered. But TMZ claims they know the kid’s name.
Halle and Olivier only had one job to do. All they had to do was name their kid Simba and we’d all be happy. But since they both have to ruin everything, they didn’t name him Simba. They supposedly named him Maceo Robert Martinez. Maceo means “gift of God” in Spanish and in a couple years when Halle and Olivier are throwing dishes at each other during dinner, he’ll think to himself, “Um, did this God person give you crazies a gift receipt?”
I thought Maceo was pronounced MACE-EH-OH, which would’ve been sort of fitting since Halle will probably mace Olivier a few times before they break up. But my mom says it’s pronounced MAH-SAY-OH. It’s a cute name, but I’m sure Maceo will one day be pissed that they didn’t name him Simba.
Here’s Olivier, looking not as zombie-ish, and Nahla at the pumpkin patch today.