Lauryn Hill Is Out Of The Chokey!

October 4, 2013 / Posted by:

Not Wite-Out nails again…. In the voice of Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford: NO MORE WITE-OUT NAILS!!! Painting your nails with Wite-Out is only okay if you’re bored in your cubicle and have already made a choker with a matching cuff out of paper clips. That’s the only time Wite-Out nails are okay. But I’ll give Lauryn Hill a pass since this picture of her Wite-Out nails was taken last year. But I won’t give her a pass for wearing the Mexican dress my mom bought in the late 80s in Tijuana after haggling with an old lady for way too long.

Starting today, Lauryn Hill walks amongst us again. Lauryn spent 3 months in a New Jersey prison for not paying taxes on over $2 million she made from 2005 to 2007. I wish Lauryn would’ve commemorated her sashay out of the prison by releasing a picture of the five dots tattoo her cellmate gave her under her right eye using boot polish and guitar wire. But instead of doing that, Lauryn released a new song, that’s probably off her new album, called “Consumerism.” Lauryn explained her new song to Rolling Stone like this:

Consumerism is part of some material I was trying to finish before I had to come in. We did our best to eek out a mix via verbal and emailed direction, thanks to the crew of surrogate ears on the other side. Letters From Exile is material written from a certain space, in a certain place. I felt the need to discuss the underlying socio-political, cultural paradigm as I saw it. I haven’t been able to watch the news too much recently, so I’m not hip on everything going on. But inspiration of this sort is a kind of news in and of itself, and often times contains an urgency that precedes what happens. I couldn’t imagine it not being relevant. Messages like these I imagine find their audience, or their audience finds them, like water seeking it’s level

And if your ears need it, here it is:

Now that Lauryn is out of prison, she can join in on all the fuckery by releasing a series of 20,000 word open letters to Miley Cyrus.

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