Some Crazy Douche Pumkin’d Zac Hanson In The Face

Well, if you’re into spit porn, you’re a sick bitch and here’s something for your fap files.

Before a Hanson show in Seattle last night, an insane trick snuck onto the band’s bus, because he’s all the way crazy and probably wanted to caress his cheek against a brush full of Zac Hanson’s golden Rapunzel hair. But the crazy bitch’s plans were foiled when Zac Hanson caught him and threw him off the bus. The crazy bus crasher retaliated by slapping Zac in the face with a huge wad of spit. The crazy bitch was the Pumkin to Zac’s New York.

But I do have to give that insane asshole some credit. Yes, he’s more unstable than Kanye’s last nerve when the paparazzi starts talking to him, but the crazy bitch knows how to spit. The wad of mouth lube that the crazy bitch spit out is the kind of mouth lube that a porn star wants to see when he says to his scene partner, “Spit on that big dick, you filthy slut!”

And I’m sure Hanson’s bodyguards chased that dude down, dragged him to an abandoned warehouse, trapped him in a small box and forced him to listen to MMMBop on a loop. Halfway through the second listening, every muscle and nerve in his body died and now he’s physically incapable of ever spitting again. Hanson always wins.