It Was So, So, So, SO Hard For Kim Kartrashian To Leave North West To Go To Some Fashion Show In Paris
Kim Kardashian probably spends 98% of her day in a full-body, fat-melting sauna suit, 1% of her day listening to Kanye moan about how Lanvin said no to his ass-less patent leather culottes and if she has time, she sometimes Skypes with North West’s trainer and full-time Botox injector to see how long before that kid is ho stroll ready. Even though Kim probably hardly ever sees North West’s face, it was still really hard for her to say goodbye to her 3-month-old when she left for Paris. A source close to Kim (aka Bruce Jenner reading a script that Pimp Mama Kris wrote) told UsWeekly, “Kim was sad to say goodbye. This is the first time she’s been away from the baby.” A source close to the baby said, “Who’s Kim?”
But seriously, Kim has a really good reason for leaving her 3-month-old future money maker. If Kim didn’t go to Paris with Kanye, who would hold his coat and panther-skinned fanny pack when he ran after the executives at Fendi to scream at them in ALL-KAPS for not making his leather jogging pants (leather jogging pants are the Jack to his Rose, he’ll never let go). Who will touch up the lip gloss on Kanye’s b-hole in the ladies room before he went off to kiss and congratulate Riccardo Tisci after the Givenchy show? Who would vacantly smile and look one hundred percent dead inside while holding Kanye’s hand during a front row photo-op? Being Kanye’s ho-in-waiting is Kim’s job and sometimes she has to leave her baby with the nannies she always leaves her baby with, because taking care of a kid is work and we know that bitch is allergic to any kind of work.
Here’s Kim and Kanye going into the Givenchy show in Paris today. They both look a mess. I guess Kim is back to being Kanye’s dress-up doll, because her body is suffocating in ridiculousness like it did during her pregnant days. She looks like she’s wearing the ruffled skirt that goes under the coffin at a funeral. That shit’s got rips all over it. So either her body is trying to HULK out of that fugness or that outfit is trying to quit her body. It’s probably a little of both.