Melissa Gorga Is Shocked And Appalled That People Think She’s Promoting Marital Rape In Her Shitty Book

September 28, 2013 / Posted by:

A few days ago, the Internet bonded by simultaneously dry heaving over a few excerpts from the relationship book “written” by The Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Stepford sex slave Melissa Gorga. Melissa wrote that her husband Joe Gorga is her king, she basically does whatever he says and she never takes a dump when he’s around (because he already inhales the shit that comes out of his mouth and doesn’t need to inhale her shit too). Melissa’s entire book seems like one extra long skid mark of ridiculousness, but there’s one part that got the most side-eyes. Joe told men that if the wife says no to fuck times, hit her over the head with a club and drag her back to your sex cave.

Men, I know you think your woman isn’t the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. If your wife says “no,” turn her around, and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated.

Women don’t realize how easy men are. Just give us what we want.

File that dingle of advice under: If Julia Roberts’ husband in Sleeping With the Enemy wrote a marital advice book…

During an interview with E!, Melissa said that she is disgusted that people turned a piece about love and mutual respect into RAPE. Melissa said that Joe was talking about role-playing:

“That is so awful. That word is like so disgusting to me. That’s horrible. It’s just about the playfulness, about teasing, it’s about ‘hmmm, no, I don’t want it tonight’ but he’s going to take it. It’s about being aggressive and trying new things in the bedroom. It’s not about, ‘hey, I have a headache, honey, and I’m not in the mood tonight,’ and your husband’s going to take it from you. I mean, come on.”

And she also shat this out:

“My book is about mutual respect with your partner, for one another. It’s about honesty, it’s about loyalty, it’s about making your partner first in your life. Where that word comes into play, to me, is awful and disgusting.”

In their defense, Melissa and Joe are stupid as the thing that never comes out of her ass because girls don’t do that (EW!), so words are hard for them. But really, every copy of Melissa’s book should come with a warning label that reads: This book is only meant to be used as rage fuel. Do not take it seriously. Do not take advice from it, because you should never trust a robot who is literally full of shit, because she doesn’t want her Gamma Ray-infected Oompa Loompa of a husband to know that she poops.

And if you ever want to see Melissa’s empty mind explode, ask her what she would do if Joe wanted to stick it in her butt after having a Mexican dinner.

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