UPDATE: The video’s been yanked off of YouTube, so click here if you want to see Kanye blow air kisses of love at the paps.
While some of us were still hugging our softest pillow while dreaming of hiking half-naked through the mountains with their sister’s cat sitting in a bag strapped to our back (I swallowed a whole lot of dark chocolate before bed, which is my only explanation for my dream), the paparazzi were camped out in front of Kanye Kardashian’s concrete lair (the concrete lair he can’t sell) at 4 this morning. TMZ says that Kanye and Kim were leaving his house to catch a flight to Paris (cut to Riccardo Tisci getting a full-body wax and slipping on his sexiest leather jogging pants) when the paparazzi started filling his ears with questions about his arch rival Jimmy Kimmel. And let the fucking with Kanye begin!
The paps don’t care that Kanye is the Helen Sinclair of egomaniacal toddlers and never wants to hear you speak. Don’t speak to Kanye! But the paparazzi are like a 3-year-old who just learned that their most powerful nerve-killing weapon against adults is to ask annoying question after annoying question. They know how to tug at Kanye’s throbbing ass lips of rage. They kept asking him questions and he kept mouth farting back at them with, “DON’T TALK TO ME!” Kanye kept his hands to himself this time, but he did charge at a ho. I’m sure that pap will go down to the police station and say that when Kanye charged at him, the wind hit his face a little too hard, giving him a black eye and now he can’t work for at least 8 weeks.
And if only Kanye knew that the quickest way to get bitches to scatter out of his face is to say to them, “So, did I ever tell you what I think about Wreck It Ralph…”