Kanye West’s interview with Zane Lowe of BBC Radio 1 isn’t really an interview. It’s basically just an hour of Kanye West bending over and licking his own b-hole as Zane gently pets the top of his head and blows an air kiss into his ear every few minutes. It’s Kanye preaching about the greatness of Kanye in his lonely Shrine to Kanye and letting us all know that he’s the creator and inventor of shit that is so light-years forward that we might never know it exists, because companies just don’t understand it. I mean, did you know that Kanye invented leather jogging pants six years ago, but Fendi wouldn’t make them and now everyone is wearing leather joggings pants. Aren’t you wearing leather joggings pants? I know I am and we could’ve worn them six years ago if Fendi let Kanye’s leather joggings pants be great.
That’s not even the most ridiculous shit that Kanye spits out. Kanye says that if there wasn’t a Michael Jackson, there wouldn’t be a Kanye, but Kanye has gone even further than Michael Jackson went. Kanye is a better Michael Jackson than Michael Jackson was! Here’s a few humble nuggets of clarity from the dude who knocked up a Kartrashian:
On how he has out-Michael Jackson’d Michael Jackson and is like the Martin Luther King Jr. of leather jogging pants: “I’ve got to a point that Michael Jackson did not break down. I have reached the glass ceiling, as a creative person, as a celebrity…and I’ve been at it for 10 years. I look around and I say, ‘Wait a minute. There’s no one around here in that looks like me. And if they are, they’re quiet as fuck.’ So that means, wait a second — now we’re seriously like, in a civil rights movement.”
On how nobody understands his genius: “I shouldn’t be limited to only one place of creativity. You guys don’t understand — I did the Air Yeezys and they eBay’d for $90,000…but I didn’t get a call from Nike the next day.”
On how he’s trying to motivate us with his ridiculous rants (hey, isn’t that what they said about Jesus too?!): “They classify my motivational speeches as rants… I have reached the point where my ‘Truman Show’ boat has crashed into the painting.”
On how he’s that thing that always gives you diarrhea: “If you’re a Kanye fan, you’re not a fan of me, you’re a fan of yourself. I’m just the espresso. I’m just the shot in the morning.”
On how he’s the godfather of leather jogging pants, therefore he’s the godfather of invention!: “Whether I’m at a dinner with Anna Wintour, or a listening party with Pusha-T or in Rome with Virgil, giving Fendi our designs and getting them knocked down… We brought the leather jogging pants six years ago to Fendi, and they said no. How many motherfukers you done seen with a leather jogging pant? So when I see Hedi Slimane, and it’s like, ‘OK, this is my take on the world,’ yeah, he’s got some nice $5,000 jeans in there, it’s some nice ones here and there, some good sh-t here and there, but we are culture. Rap is the new rock and roll. We are culture. Rap is the new rock and roll. We are the rockstars. It’s been like that for a minute, Hedi Slimane. It’s been like that for a minute. We real the real rock stars and I’m the biggest of all of them! I’m the No. 1 rock star on the planet.”
Kanye is right about being the No. 1 rock star on the planet since he lives on his own planet by himself where he’s the greatest thing since leather jogging pants, which he invented six years ago!!!!!!
Kanye lubes up his throbbing ego and strokes it harder than the Kartrashians stroke their own egos. Kanye is probably like this all the time and every night he gathers the queef-brained Kartrashians around and spews out all these insane odes to himself. Those whores can’t believe that a human who is more self-absorbed and crazier than them exists and it’s only a matter of time before Kanye causes their heads to pop off of their necks. Kanye is destroying the Kartrashians from the inside and for that I am forever grateful.
If you’ve got at least one thousand eyerolls in you and have the stamina to laugh for an hour straight, listen to this hilarious mess.