Night Crumbs

I really want to grab Natalie Portman, lay her down in front of my bath tub and wipe my wet feet on her after taking a shower. And is it the lighting and conflict-free makeup, or did she inject organic bee venom (nature’s Botox) into her mug? – Lainey Gossip

Leonardo DiCatchAHo is a master of disguise – The Berry

“No food for me, I’ll just stick to this mind-numbing triple vodka.” – me to the server at T.G.I. Friday’s tonight while thinking about all the places on Mike WiLL Made It’s body where Miley Cyrus is putting her lizard tongue – The Superficial

Why did I just count all of Alyson Hannigan’s ribs? – Drunken Stepfather

Rupert Sanders didn’t want to go for another round of box eating in Kristen Stewart’s MINI Cooper – Celebitchy

Gretchen Rossi really wants to spend her future fighting in court with Slade Smiley for child support payments – Reality Tea

But what I really want to know is, which modeling agency hired Aryan Nation with that F- eyebrow situation – Towleroad

Rachel from Boy Meets World ordered the chicken cutlets and two silicone breasts special from her plastic surgeon – Hollywood Tuna

If Maury Povich doesn’t tell you that you AREN’T the father, are you really not the father? – IDLYITW

Fashion is still, still, still, still, still, still trying to make Blake NotSoLively happen – Popoholic

Big deal, this happens at every Kardashian wedding – Jezebel

Damn, the Texas T-Rex really is banging that door hard like he wants to put a door baby in it – (NSFWish) OMG Blog

Kim Kartrashian’s hair looks like a dead cocker spaniel – Popsugar

So I guess Chad Michael Murray’s piece of forever kind of got sick of him sticking his peen in anybody and everything – Just Jared

So is Damon Lindelof trying to tell me that during one episode of Lost, Hurley was supposed to pull off his wig to reveal a huge scar on the side of his head?!!! – Pajiba

I should be banished to the dark side of the basement for guessing that this baby was Raven. Those brows tricked me – SOW

Tara Reid looks…sober and now I can eat my fingers off since I’ve typed everything there is to type – I’m Not Obsessed

I see that Paula Patton raided the part of Tina Turner’s closet marked “the 80s” – Moe Jackson