Johnny Weir Will Not Skate At The Sochi Olympics

September 17, 2013 / Posted by:

Last week, the Crystal Enchantress of the Ice brought the fuckery in full force when he did himself up in full Russian military drag to go on Keith Olbermann’s show and say that we shouldn’t boycott the Sochi Olympics because of Russian’s gay-hating laws. Johnny Weir also said that he’s prepared to get arrested in Russia after he sashays off of the plane in a rainbow catsuit bedazzled with unicorn-shaped rhinestones. I thought Johnny Weir was going to twirl for his life to try to get a spot on the Olympic team since he loves Russia and knew all eyes would be watching his gay ass, but it’s not going to happen.

ESPN says that Johnny didn’t register for the qualifier for national championships and nationals is where the Sochi team is going to be picked. U.S. Figure Skating said that the September 1st deadline for nationals came and went without Johnny signing up. The only way he could’ve gotten a free pass to nationals is if he placed in the top 5 at last year’s nationals or got a medal at the last Olympics. Johnny didn’t do either so his dreams of leaving a trail of silver glitter on the ice in Russia is over. ESPN also says that Johnny is 29, which is old bitch territory in the skating world, so his amateur days are probably done and he won’t compete at another Olympics.

Apparently, Johnny wasn’t even expected to make the team anyway. So I guess he decided that instead of training for qualifiers, he’ll spend his time picking out the perfect fur jock straps and gold chain link tank tops to wear to Sochi since he’ll probably go as a commentator. Don’t forget to pack your Russian military uniform, bitch!

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