Ever since Melissa Etheridge’s ex-partner and mother to their two kids, Tammy Lynn Michaels, deleted her blog, I’ve really missed the poetic streams of insanity she let out over Melissa leaving her with only an empty checking account and a box of dusty dildos. But my prayers have been answered, because Tammy Lynn Michaels is back to moaning and whining about how she can barely live off of $86,000 a month and gets her medical care from WebMD and by watching episodes of Dr. Oz in the TV section at Best Buy (because she can’t afford a TV, obviously).
Radar says that Tammy Lynn gets $26,000 a month in child and spousal support, and she also gets a cut of Melissa’s monthly royalties (around $60,000 a month), but she’s still bitching about how she doesn’t have health insurance and is $500,000 in debt. On Saturday, Tammy Lynn (tweeted and later deleted) this dingle of woe:
“My insides are exploding. No insurance means surgerys gonna co$t; 1/2 mil in debt and here comes more.”
I figured that by “insides are exploding” Tammy means that her stomach is staging a revolt and trying to explode out of her ass, because she’s so poor and destitute that she can only afford to feed it dirt burgers, slivers of air and dildo dust. But Tammy Lynn told her followers that she’s suffering from “continuous ovarian cysts that rupture, and an appendix that seems to be having fits.” Tammy also let her followers know that she’ll probably sell her rotten ovary on eBay:
“Want my rotten ovary when its out? Maybe make it a conversational centerpiece?”
After St. Angie made a move to dodge breast cancer by getting a double mastectomy, Dr. Melissa Etheridge said that she doesn’t agree with St. Angie’s decision, because she believes that stress causes cancer. So if stress causes cancer, then stress must also cause rupturing ovarian cysts and Tammy Lynn is obviously suffering from a whole lot of stress since she’s flat broke. Only $86,000 a month! I’m surprised Tammy Lynn can afford the cellphone and cell service used to tweet those tweets. She probably used the free computers at the library and she crawled her way to the library since she can’t even afford a bike!
Tammy Lynn’s ovary isn’t the only thing that’s rotten. So is Melissa’s black heart for leaving Tammy Lynn so broke. Somebody please send La Clinica Mobile to Tammy Lynn’s house, because she needs their free services way more than anyone else does. Only $86,000 a month!