Fans of all kinds are yanking and pulling at Beyonce. A couple of months ago, an actual fan grabbed Beyonce’s Malaysian weave and tried to snatch that shit from off of her head. That fan was later put down, dismantled and all of its part were thrown down into the basement with Basement Baby. Basement Baby is now using the fan to grill moth balls on. And then last night at a show in Sao Paulo, a crazed, shirtless Brazilian fan grabbed her and pulled her into the pit of rabid Bumblebeys while she was singing “Irreplaceable.” A look of potent fear and terror covered Beyonce’s face as if somebody just told her that her entire wig crypt (copyright: Fresh) was just destroyed in a fire. Seriously, this looks like a human being swallowed by a mob of zombies.
Before all the crazed Bumblebeys pounced on her and drowned her with their slobber, her bodyguards pulled her out of the pit and she kept on singing. Beyonce’s bodyguards were going to throw the insane body snatcher out of the show, but she stopped them and ten seconds later shook the crazy bitch’s hand. Beyonce shaking that crazy bitch’s hand was her way of giving him his last rites, because I’m sure her bodyguards dragged him out of there and he was later used as a sacrifice to the Illuminati.
Will crazy bitches stop yanking at Beyonce? Is it really that serious? It’s just Beyonce! It’s not like she’s the last Cronut on Earth or a box of America’s rarest and most delicious delicacy Jell-O-1-2-3. I swear, Beyonce’s going to have to get herself a mic that doubles as a taser.