Meryl Streep didn’t show up to the TIFF premiere of August: Osage County yesterday, because she called in with the sicks (read: she’d rather get stoned while watching Real Housewives of Miami at home). So Julia Roberts and her teefs were supposed to be the great big stars of the red carpet, but that didn’t happen. Because as soon as her My Best Friend’s Wedding co-star Dermot Mulroney swept onto the red carpet, breaths were snatched, mics dropped and hos lost their balance. Dermot’s thirsty, dry Fabio-like mane upstaged Julia Roberts and her ugly period rug dress.
That hair! Dermot Mulroney looks like a really lazy Latin literature professor at a liberal arts college in the Pacific Northwest who is known for fucking his students in the backseat of his mustard Volvo station wagon. Swoon! I don’t know if he’s growing his hair out for a movie role or if he’s growing it out for a dare, but either way he should keep it. That beautiful beast on the top of his head looks like it gave birth to one of John Travolta’s wigs. I am jealous of the fish skeleton that he runs through his gorgeous hair every day. (He obviously doesn’t pass a brush through that thing.)
Anyway, August: Osage County got mostly good reviews from critics and a bunch of them tweeted about how Meryl Streep is going to get her 4,095,198,184th Oscar nomination. Blah blah blah. Why weren’t any of them tweeting about Dermot Mulroney’s hair?! What kind of humans are they?