The good news is, Miley Cyrus has stopped twerking for now. The bad news is that in her video for “Wrecking Ball,” she’s giving us some “Married to the Eiffel Tower” shit by tongue fucking a sledge hammer and riding a wrecking ball while completely naked. Somewhere in L.A., that sledgehammer and that wrecking ball are at the free clinic waiting to get tested.
I didn’t need to tell you this since it’s pretty obvious, but Terry Richardson directed this objectophilia porn. It’s only Monday and my entire week has already been ruined by the thought of Uncle Terry yanking at his soft dick while watching Miley give cunnilingus to a sledgehammer and rub her cooters lips all over a wrecking ball chain. Bitch’s tongue needs to stop getting intimate with a sledgehammer and start getting intimate with a tongue cleaner. Bitch looks like she’s been rimming the Swamp Thing. Dirty ass tongue. Bitch’s tongue has several slimy layers of gross on it. Sucioness. I would never say this to anyone, but I’m saying it to Miley: BITCH, STOP LICKING SHIT!
Here’s the video if you really need to see Miley looking like a sad Furby and putting her bare nalgas on a wrecking ball.
Chris Hemsworth just dropped his hammer in the dumpster and called up Marvel to tell them that he’s never ever going to play Thor again.
Also: SALIVA! Bitch, drink some water. You’re thirsty (in more ways than one).
And here’s the sledge hammer licker signing autographs outside of a radio station in Paris today.