It was nice of Prestige Magazine to erase the party girl ass that Robin Thicke had his right hand on.
Party girl type Lana Scolario told Life & Style that Robin Thicke wanted to bone the ten layers of eyeliner off of her face while his wife gave a thumbs up in the corner. One way for Robin Thicke and Paula Patton to respond to that is by kissing on each other at a party for his album in NYC. They did that last night. Another way to show the world that they’re the happiest married couple of all time is to fart up words of love about each other in a magazine. They did that too. In the new issue of Hong Kong’s Prestige Magazine, which came out today, Paula and Robin gushed about each other until they couldn’t gush anymore:
Robin on Paula: “I don’t know if I would still be alive in some ways if it wasn’t for Paula. She’s been my rock, my muse, my inspiration and I love her. The whole way.”
Paula on Robin: “I’ve been there for his down moments and he’s been there for mine. Life is full of peaks and valleys. Robin has always been a great person to remind me to celebrate now. Even when it looks like I’ve got a role but don’t know for sure, he’s like, ‘Let’s celebrate!’”
Paula on spending their down time together: “We watch movies. Just sit and contemplate – we have a house with a bit of a view. Listening to music. Talking about what’s going on in our lives. We’re best friends. We laugh a lot. But that’s our down time. We do the things you’re supposed to do, like work out – blah, blah, blah, boring, boring. We love to travel together and travel with our child. Get out of the house. Because our house is a mad house. We don’t have normal jobs. So it’s always a work house. Robin makes music at home and my job when I’m not on set always brings people into our home.”
Let me fix that for your Paula. “We watch porn. Hos just sit on Robin and then he cums on my tits. Our house is a slut house. Robin does hos at home and when I’m not on set I always bring new hos into our home.”
Because of the PDA show last night and this interview coming out today, it feels like Paula and Robin are doing damage control and I don’t know why. They don’t need to. So they’re okay with each other boning side tricks. If they have an open marriage, they aren’t the first hos to have an open marriage and they won’t be the last. I have a friend of a friend who has an open relationship with his dude and he says it’s the reason why their relationship is so perfect. It works for them, but I don’t know how. I mean, they have so many rules. They can’t hump a trick in their bed. The trick can’t spend the night. The trick can only use the second bathroom and not their bathroom. The trick has to be told that he can’t show up to their house whenever he wants. The trick can’t call, can only text. If they see the trick out in public, they can’t hug the trick. And on and on and on….
If I was their trick, I’d go home to fap and eat ice cream as soon as they told me rule #2. Too much work. So many rules and instructions. Are we fucking or are we building an Ikea bookcase?
And all this Robin Thicke and Paula Patton open marriage talks makes me wish that there was a very special episode of Growing Pains where Dr. Seaver and Maggie become swingers.