Miley Cyrus Admits That She’s Messed Up And Has Issues

The horny hillbilly chipmunk stopped humping things for a second to tell Britain’s Sunday People (via NYDN) the obvious: she’s scrambled in the brains. Miley Cyrus supposedly gave the interview five weeks before she performed her interpretation of a trailer lizard on Molly at the VMAs. Miley told the Sunday People that she never sleeps and is always working (I mean, always WERQING), and if you only closed your eyes for 45 minutes a day, you too would be running around like a cracked-out Chinese Crested who’s always tongue fucking the air.

“I’m messed up. I have so many fucking issues. I am so fucked up – everyone does dumb stuff when they are messed up. I don’t have a normal life. I take a hiatus every now and again but I’m not good at that.

All I do is work, so I eat to live and to keep going. People are impressed with me ­because I can sleep for just 45 minutes – I’m used to it. I suppose I am a workhorse. I love being in the studio and when I take vacation I get so bored. I think of work as something I have to do. I’ve made a record so I have to promote it so I have to work to get it done – and then pass out. Because I work so much, I’m always on the road so I eat healthily. I have to give my body what it needs to keep going and if you don’t then you will crash and burn. I love soda, but I haven’t had one since I’ve been here in the UK. If I have a Coke I’m going to be ‘Aaargh!’ and in an hour I’ll crash. I don’t get to work out. I do yoga and 30 push-ups every day and try to get my mind right.”

That sounds like something a sophomore who’s jacked up on Red Bull would say to their high school guidance counselor after getting in trouble for being tardy three times in a row. Miley also went on to spit out some shit about how she’s not like other child stars:

“I’ve never been able to hide anything, a bit like Justin Bieber. Others who have been on kids’ shows try to act like their characters – but I’m not like that. I never pretended I was as good as the Disney Channel writes. I don’t wear bright-coloured T-shirts and talk like this all the time. You will be amazed at some of the notes I got. Parents wrote in with messages ­saying things like, ‘I can’t believe she spoke to her dad like that’ or ‘I can’t believe she wore that shirt’ or ‘I can’t believe the lead actress has boobs’. It’s crazy. But they can’t make ­people not grow up.”

What I’ve learned from this interview is that Miley and Justin ARE the same bitch (that’s what she meant, right?) and that lack of sleep is going to make her completely meltdown and she’ll explode into a twerking tornado that’ll twerk on anything and everything until the ASPCA eventually steps in and shoots her with a tranquilizer dart.