Inmates Gone Wild: Joe Francis Is Going To Jail

The dick rash with the most punchable face in America was sentenced to 270 days in county jail today for choking out and beating a woman at his house in Bel Air 2 years ago. A jury convicted Joe Francis of five misdemeanor charges (three counts of false imprisonment, one count of assault by means likely to cause great bodily injury and one count of dissuading a witness from reporting a crime) last May, and in court today, his lawyer tried to get a judge to declare a mistrial. Joe’s lawyer argued that one of his accusers lied during the trial and he didn’t falsely imprison anyone since all of the women willingly went back to his house. The judge wiped out the bullshit that Joe’s lawyer filled his ears with and denied that trick’s request for a mistrial.

The Los Angeles Times says that the judge sentenced Joe to 270 days in jail, one year of psychological counseling, three years of probation and he has to complete an anger management course. The judge and the City Attorney weren’t having any of Joe’s shit during sentencing and they told him that he better put a huge block of ice on his throbbing anus of rage.

The judge told Francis the women “were very credible” and he deserved to be punished by some time in custody and needed anger management for his “temper.” He was ordered held in lieu of $250,000.

“Whether a celebrity or not, you will be held accountable for your misdeeds,” former City Atty. Carmen A. Trutanich said in a statement at time of the conviction. “The victims in this case should be commended for their courage in stepping forward and reporting these attacks, and for not being intimidated from seeing this matter through the justice system.”

The three women met Joe at some club in 2011. He grabbed one of them by the arm and dragged her to his limo. The girl’s two friends followed, because they thought Joe was going to take them back to their car. Instead, Joe’s driver drove them to his house in Bel Air and to make a long and gross story short, he choked one girl out and bashed her head against the floor after she wouldn’t let him take one of her friends to another room. The girls threatened to call the police and he laughed in their faces and told them that he’d never be arrested since he owns the police. Who the hell does he thinks he is? Lindsay Lohan?! The three women left his house and called the police and now he’s going to jail!

Unfortunately, Joe isn’t in a jail cell right now, because he plans on appealing.

Unfortunately, unfortunately, since this happened in L.A., he’ll probably be in jail for 270 SECONDS before he’s released back into the wild due to “overcrowding.”

The judge should’ve sentenced Joe Francis and The Difficult Brown to a day in the same room together. All the doucheness in one room would make them both combust and the only thing left would be two chipped veneers and a puddle of steaming used douche water.