You know that one girl at the party who doesn’t know anyone, gets drunk, gets stoned and then dances by herself in the middle of the room while everybody tries not to die of second-hand embarrassment? That was Miley Cyrus at the VMAs tonight and I enjoyed every cringing moment. It had everything I want out of a VMA performance: zero dignity, zero shame and a whole lot of fuckery and ho shit behavior. Bitch has a negative ass and she still twerked against Robin Thicke’s Beetlejuice suit and bitch looked like a fool, but she kept going. Miley gives no fucks while giving too many fucks. She looked like a bootleg Cynthia Doll high on bath salts and she wore clip-on bangs on the back of her head. This is the performance that keeps on giving. It’s like twerking herpes and it’s beautiful:
I think I sprained my tonsils from laughing so damn hard. No matter what time of day it is, just know that in a corner somewhere, Miley is humping a foam finger while sticking out her lizard tongue.
This is pretty much a natural reaction to that shit:
Shit was a gorgeous train wreck. I know Billy Ray is patting his taint anyway, but he should pat it something extra for creating such an entertaining, shameless mess!
Click here if YouTube takes down Miley’s Ode to Vice Magazine.
Pics: Getty Images